I am Michelle D. Carter

Recently the boys had their Pine Derby Race with the Boy Scouts. They worked very hard on their cars with their Dad. At one point I walked into the garage and found Alex on top of the table saw, sawing his block of wood into the shape of his car.

The day of the big race arrived. The boys were very excited. Andy won for Best Design while Alex won for Most Creative. I think mainly because Tim put the fenders on backwards.

The cars did very well. Alex came in second. Andy came in third. Alex is moving on to Districts. If the first place winner is unable to attend, then Andy can go in his place.

I’m amazed at how much they helped with their cars. Their Dad is teaching them something only a Dad can do. It’s back to the traditional roles of man vs woman. Don’t get me wrong, I believe anyone can do what they set their mind to do regardless of gender. However, to make a household run, everyone has their part in helping out. Dads will teach their sons what they do best while Moms will teach the girls what they know best. And in the end, it takes those roles to get things done around the house.

Do you tell your kids that you love them every day? I do! We have a little fun with it too.

Me: “I’m going to tell you something you don’t know.” Dramatic pause. “I love you!”

Alyssa, Alex or Andy (any one or all): “I knew that!”

Me: “No you didn’t!”

Their response: “Yes I did!”

Me: “How did you know?”

Them: “Because you tell us every day.”

Their responses usually carry the tone of frustration. It’s like SERIOUSLY MOM, YOU DO THIS ALL THE TIME. I’M NOT STUPID. I KNOW THIS! That’s OK with me. It’s “our” thing. It’s how we roll. We have fun and there isn’t a doubt in my kids’ minds as to whether I love them or not.

We recently watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. There is a scene in the movie where Mr. T wants his son to know that he loves him. The son’s response, “Dad, you tell me every day.” Tim & I immediately looked at each another. I’m not the only one.

Alex has tried to put his own twist on it as well.

Me: “I love you.”

Alex: “I love you more.”

The other two have picked up on it as well. We each go back and forth NO, I LOVE YOU MORE.

It’s our thing. It’s how we roll. We enjoy it. That’s what matters.

I LOVE YOU… MORE!!!

A few weeks ago my beautiful girl turned 10. Ten, double digits. Wow, where has the time gone? She had a wonderful day. I brought cupcakes to school during lunch and ate with her. That evening, she chose McDonald’s for her meal. She invited her best friend. They all played together in the Play Place. We returned home to open presents and have cake. This is her with the card I made her.

Here she is opening the card that her brother, Alex, made her. On the outside is a big heart he had drawn. On the inside it said, “Happy Birthday, Alyssa. What do you want to do today for your birthday? Love Alex.” He also taped $10 in it. $10 of his OWN money!

Alex has always been generous. His philanthropy amazes me. He is always willing to give, give and give some more. Tim and I struggled with letting him give her the money. It is so sweet. Yet, we don’t want him to give away all of his money. Here’s a picture of my compassionate little guy.

After Alyssa opened the card with the $10, I told her that it was his money that he had given her. The following conversation ensued:

Alyssa: “Alex, are you sure you want to give me your money?”

Alex: “Yes!”

Me: “Aww, that is so sweet of you guys.”

Alex: “I couldn’t decide how much to give her. Then I remembered she was going to be 10 so I thought $10 would be good.”

Me: “Alex, you are such a sweetheart! I love you.”

That’s my six, almost seven, year old son, always thinking how to be kind. Well, except when he’s fighting with his siblings.

Christmas is always such a fun, magical, crazy, pain in the ass time of year. So many emotions trying to keep a handle on everything. It’s exhausting! When my daughter was first born, my husband laid down the law and said we were going to have Christmas morning in our house from here on out. It was the tradition he was setting. At first I was not happy with him. At the time we were living in the same town as his family. My family was five hours away. That was saying to me, that we would be spending every Christmas with his family, while my family got Thanksgiving. I grew up where we alternated holidays. One year we’d spend Thanksgiving with Mom’s side of the family while Dad’s side got Christmas. Then the following year, we’d spend Thanksgiving with Dad’s side and Mom’s side got Christmas. That seems like a fair solution to me. Yet, here is my husband completely rocking that boat. As the years went on, I was glad Tim had decided Christmas morning was at our own home. It’s hard enough to pack the whole family up for a trip let alone include Christmas in the mix.

This Christmas was our first Christmas in South Carolina. See, it was a good thing we had decided not to travel. First of all, the drive would have been awful. Twenty hours in a van with three children – makes me want to slit my wrists just thinking about it. Not to mention that we would have had to drive through tons and tons of snow and cold. My Mom said they couldn’t even get out of their front door and it took a lot of pushing to open the back door. Although, my kids would have loved to have been there to play in the snow. All three of them kept asking MOM, WHEN IS IT GOING TO SNOW HERE? I digress.

Typically, my kids are really good about going to bed Christmas Eve. They know that in order for Santa to come, they have to be asleep. For some reason, I had a tough time going to sleep Christmas Eve. Maybe it was the excitement of Christmas morning, wondering if the kids (Tim included) would enjoy their gifts. Maybe it was the holiday classic I was watching, Forensic Files. I shut the TV off around 1:00 in the morning. GIRLFRIEND, YOU HAVE GOT TO GET SOME SLEEP. As I lay there, I started to hear some commotion upstairs. What are those kids doing? Surely they won’t try to come downstairs. It is way too early. Shortly there after, I hear the pitter patter of little feet on the stairs and the glow of the flashlight swinging about. I come out of my bedroom and find ALL THREE of them about half way down the stairs shining the flashlight directly on the presents “St. Nick” had left hours before.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET BACK TO BED! They hurried back up the stairs totally shocked they had been busted.

Around 6:00 am, I can hear them waking up and getting around. I got up to brush my teeth so I’d be ready when they came downstairs. However, I didn’t have time to complete my task when I hear MOM AND DAD’S LIGHT IS ON, WE CAN GO DOWN.

With the master bedroom on the main level, gone are the days of telling the kids WAIT FOR US BEFORE YOU GO DOWNSTAIRS. I had barely peed when Alyssa brought her new skateboard in to show me.

The excitement – that’s what I love most about Christmas. It’s what makes the exhaustion worth it.

I apologize for being so behind on my blogging. I swear the time fairy comes in and snatches time away from me. I start each day with a list of tasks I need to accomplish then about half way through it is time to pick the kids up from school. It has nothing to do with the fact that I tend to over extend myself or that I’ve had writers block. Sometimes I’ll stare out the window and believe that everything is magically getting done. All my hopes and dreams are being accomplished as well. It’s nice living in an imaginary world. That is until I’m ruthlessly pulled back to reality.

It has always been a Carter tradition to make sugar cookies for Santa. I received the recipe several years ago from my cousin, Kim. It is a process to make them BUT everyone is involved and it is a lot of fun.

First, the kids and I make the dough. In years past I used to make a double batch of the dough because we LOVE to eat cookie dough. However, with all the e coli outbreaks, specifically Nestlé’s chocolate chip cookie dough, we don’t do that anymore! Although everyone tends to grab a little bit here and there. After the dough has been refrigerated for a few hours or overnight, I roll it out. The kids use the cookie cutters. Tim is responsible for the oven and moving them to the cooling racks. Then the next day is comprised of making icing and the kids getting to decorate with sprinkles. There are always lots of sprinkles everywhere. Some cookies you’d think are nothing but a big pile of sprinkles!

Here’s a picture from this year. Getting ready for Santa…

 A couple days ago I found this sitting on my nightstand.

I open it up…

Translation: I loved when we snuggled. Can we do it again, Mom? For Mom. Love Alex.

I am a very lucky Mommy!

WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY? I can tell you that when these words are uttered from the lips of my husband, there will most definitely be a knock down drag out heated discussion in our household.

On the way to school the other day, my six year-old son, Andy, says MOM, WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY?

ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME??!!! DID YOUR DAD PUT YOU UP TO ASKING THAT QUESTION? SERIOUSLY! I THINK IT’S A CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME!!

The hardest, most thankless job in the world is a stay-at-home Mom. Admit it, you have heard thought or even said to someone OH, YOU’RE JUST A STAY-AT-HOME MOM. The message behind that comment is YOU SIT AT HOME AND EAT BON BONS ALL DAY. I’ll admit, I’ve thought it before I was a stay-at-home Mom. And there are some days I wonder that about myself now.

I often hear YOU HAVE SEVEN HOURS A DAY TO DO WHAT YOU CHOOSE. Yes, that’s true. Once I get the kids to school I have just about seven hours before I have to pick them up. However, I don’t always get to choose how I spend my day. In fact, I rarely choose how to spend my time. There is always something that needs to be done.

This past week after Alyssa had the H1N1 virus and went back to school, I disinfected the whole house. I did laundry. I sanitized Alyssa’s bedding and towels; in addition, to the rest of the laundry that needed to be done. I try to work out. Working out is important to health and well being not only physically but also emotionally. A well balanced Mom is important to the family. I try to write this blog. Tim’s birthday was this past week so I made him a card and baked him a cake. Don’t forget the grocery shopping and the Costco run. I pick up the stuff people tend to leave everywhere. There are just so many little things that need to get done. It all adds up. Before I know it they day is gone and I’m trying to figure out where it went while I’m trying to quickly thaw something from the freezer because I forgot to take and out and now what are we having for dinner?!!

I often wonder how I got this all done before I stayed at home. I think a lot has to do with that when I worked, I didn’t have to defend myself everyday. Now I do. I have to defend myself because this didn’t get done because of that or that didn’t get done because of this. Did you notice how I defended that I work out?! If something didn’t get done before, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Now if I don’t get something done I have to walk on eggshells. What am I going to do if my boss fires me?

I feel I’m failing miserably at everything in my life. I’m not working outside the home; therefore I’m not contributing financially. I was hoping I could make a little money by writing this blog but that hasn’t worked either. I work out but can’t really lose any weight. I know a lot has to do with my eating habits but changing them is hard. And I’m not too much of a Susie homemaker either. I hate cleaning house. I hate to cook. I have some of the pickiest people in the world living in my house. Trying to find something that they will all eat is like trying to find the needle in the haystack.

So what am I doing? I’m struggling to find my place in life. Where do I fit in? Where is that balance?

Wow! Where has this week gone? Sorry for my absence but I was feeling a bit under the weather. Monday and Tuesday, after I dropped off the kids at school, I came home and went back to bed. Tim was sweet enough to offer to help make the bed on Tuesday. I told him, “Nope, not necessary.” I think he was secretly jealous that I had the opportunity to rest.

Last night I was watching TV when I heard crying upstairs. I paused the TV to make sure I wasn’t hearing things. Sure enough, crying. All the emotions and anxiety of middle of the night feedings came rushing back. I think my boobs even ached as they filled with milk. WAIT A MINUTE! I haven’t had to get up in the middle of the night for feedings for almost six years and the well has long dried up.

I run up to find Alex rolling around crying. Andy’s sitting up trying to figure out what is going on as well.

Me: “Alex, what’s wrong?”

Alex: “WAAAAAAAAA!”

Me: “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

Alex: “WAAAAA!”

Me: “ALEX! I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

He quiets down and mumbles something that is inaudible. Andy lies back down and is passed out as soon as his head hits the pillow.

I carry my boy who weighs considerably more than he did six years ago into the spare room to rock him. He instantaneously falls back asleep. I rock him for a few more minutes, totally taking advantage of holding him in my arms. I love snuggling with my kids and know that before I know it, they’ll be off on their own.

I carry him back to bed and he wakes up.

Me: “Alex, are you OK?”

Alex: “Yeah.”

Me: “Do you remember waking up crying?”

He mumbles, rubs his eyes and extends his arms for a hug. Oh how I love that!

Me: “Do you want me to stay with you until you go back to sleep?”

Alex: “Mom, I’ll be faking it.”

I giggle and give him a hug and kiss. See you in the morning, little man.

Alyssa is now next to me asking: “Why was Alex crying?”

Me: “I don’t know and I’m sure he doesn’t either.”

This morning when I wake them up, I ask Alex if he remembers the waking up last night.

Alex: “No.”

He crawls in my lap and begins to cry.

Me: “Why are you crying now?”

Alex: “I want you.”

Doesn’t that just warm your heart? So sweet! Daddy came up and turned those tears into giggles. But not before I got lots of hugs. LOVE IT!! A Mom can never get enough love from her children. As they grow and the frequency lessens, I take it anyway I can get it!

Yesterday marked a milestone in the Carter household. It was our twelfth wedding anniversary.

There were no big celebrations, just an ordinary day. Tim was working on a few projects around the house, which, of course, meant a couple trips to the hardware store. Upon his return from his first trip with Alyssa, she brought in a dozen roses.

She said, “These are from Daddy. He said there is one rose for each year you’ve been married.”

Awe, that was sweet!! And the roses were very pretty!

Just because there wasn’t big showers of gaga over one another doesn’t mean the spark is dying. The spark is very much alive. Tim and I show our love and affection EVERY DAY. And yes, there have definitely been some difficult times in our lives, in our marriage, but we always work through them.

So, thank you, Tim, for being the love of my live 365 days a year instead of just one.

We met the Hildreths at Meet Your Teacher night before school started last August. They are the other set of twin boys in my boys’ class. The cooler weather was approaching and like so many other people, we hibernated. Then, this past spring, as it began to warm up and we emerged from our cocoon, I started making play dates for the boys. It was then that I realized Alex and Andy have been friends with Ben and Will all through school. They played extensively with each other and rarely played with other kids. A bond was formed.

As the boys played more and more, Tim and I got to know Todd and Laura. We realized just how much fun they were to be around. All this happened about the time we found out we were moving to South Carolina. DANG IT!! I was OK with moving until I got to know them. In a very short amount of time, the Hildreths and the Carters have become very close friends.

Realizing time was short. We started spending as much time together as possible… cookouts, sleepovers and pool time.

On our last day, the Hildreths rented a pontoon boat. We spent the entire afternoon at Lake Jacomo. It was great!! Of course, there was the time when we thought the boat was anchored. We swam off only to realize that we weren’t REALLY anchored. The boat went floating off. Luckily Tim was on the boat. He waited until I swam all the way back with Will and I said, “Don’t you think we should go get them,” before he started the boat to go pick the rest of the passengers.

I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my last day in Kansas City… good friends, good times.

DANG IT!! I almost wish I didn’t get to know them. I miss them very much!