I am Michelle D. Carter

Recently the boys had their Pine Derby Race with the Boy Scouts. They worked very hard on their cars with their Dad. At one point I walked into the garage and found Alex on top of the table saw, sawing his block of wood into the shape of his car.

The day of the big race arrived. The boys were very excited. Andy won for Best Design while Alex won for Most Creative. I think mainly because Tim put the fenders on backwards.

The cars did very well. Alex came in second. Andy came in third. Alex is moving on to Districts. If the first place winner is unable to attend, then Andy can go in his place.

I’m amazed at how much they helped with their cars. Their Dad is teaching them something only a Dad can do. It’s back to the traditional roles of man vs woman. Don’t get me wrong, I believe anyone can do what they set their mind to do regardless of gender. However, to make a household run, everyone has their part in helping out. Dads will teach their sons what they do best while Moms will teach the girls what they know best. And in the end, it takes those roles to get things done around the house.

It was the week before Christmas break. Alex comes running off the bus.

Alex: “Mom, I threw up.”

Me: “Are you OK? What happened?”

Alex: “My head was hurting and people kept talking. I got some on my jacket.”

Me: “Poor sweetie. That’s OK, it can be washed. I’ll give you some medicine when we get home.”

It’s only a half a mile drive from the bus stop to home. This time; however, it seemed more like an eternity. As the smell of vomit quickly overcame the van, I rolled down the window to hopefully subside the smell. IT WAS NOT WORKING! Alex was even sweet enough to roll down his window AND hold his jacket out the window.

Alyssa: “Alex, what are you doing?”

Alex: “Putting the smelly jacket outside.”

Alyssa: “Well you better be sure you hang onto it tight.” That’s her Mother in her.

Me: “Alyssa, it’s OK. He’s trying to make it not smell. If he drops it, we can stop to get it.”

Poor kid! Obviously he doesn’t feel good and then his sister starts in on him.

Finally, home! I leave the van outside to let it air out some and I tell Alex to just throw his jacket in the washing machine. In the meantime, I see Andy running into the house. He has left his backpack in the van and the door wide open. Good gravy! As if I don’t have enough going on. I thought for a second that I need to holler at him and tell him to get back here and get his stuff. I decided, though, that I had enough going on and I would just deal with him in a bit.

I walked into the house and headed to the laundry room to start the washer. I pass by the bathroom where ANDY IS NOW THROWING UP! Apparently the smell was enough for him. I’m glad I didn’t holler at the poor kid.

As a parent, you often wonder what your kids will be when they grow up. You can’t help but dream of a world renowned doctor or a well adjusted celebrity of some sort. It’s easy to put your thoughts and goals on your child. You want them to be financially stable and in a profession they love. You want the best for them. Better than you had it yourself.

This is not the first time we’ve had a situation like this. So, it’s probably safe to say that my dreams of my kids being doctors are flushed down the toilet. Pun intended!

I wrote this post a little over a year ago. Andy finds comfort in sucking his thumb. I didn’t mind it too much at first because I know it is something that little kids/babies will do. Then it became a constant. I think his thumb was permanently attached to his mouth only coming out long enough to put food in it. And as the gap in his teeth grew, enough was enough. After many attempts, we HAD, yes HAD, to put the appliance in his mouth. Approximately three or four months after he broke it, we HAD, yes HAD, to put it BACK in.

After six to eight months and the impending move to South Carolina, we decided to have the appliance removed again. It was supposed to be a fresh new start. He was doing great. There wasn’t any thumb sucking. We would congratulate him but not too often as we didn’t want to remind him of it either. All was well!

The move was stressful on all of us. However, about three or four weeks of school, Andy had reached his breaking point and the thumb sucking has resumed. I can’t begin to tell you how frustrated, pissed off and utterly disappointed I am. All that effing work down the tubes. His teacher has told me that he pretty much sucks it constantly at school. It’s only when he looks at her AND SHE SHAKES HER HEAD NO that he finally takes it out. Last week at gymnastics, I saw him suckling away. I am in the balcony behind glass and unable to yell at him to stop! My heart drops and I feel like such a failure.

While it may seem that I am a heartless bitch, I AM NOT! Repeat, I AM NOT A HEARTLESS BITCH! Yes, I am upset that we haven’t been able to completely kick this horrid habit. I am mostly saddened that Andy has recommenced his thumb sucking to console himself. That the poor little guy has done his best to cope with all that his parents have thrown at him and to deal with it… well, a little thumb sucking is needed. He is not a bad kid secretly inflicting chaos on his parents. He is adjusting to a major upheaval in his life the best way he can.

It broke my heart when he asked his Dad, “When are we moving back home?”

As the weight of the world rests on this little six year-old boy, he chooses to find comfort the only way he knows how. It IS better than taking out his aggression on the neighborhood animals.

But what am I going to do? The thumb sucking will cause bedlam with his teeth and speech. Something we are already struggling with. If I have the appliance re-installed, it will affect his speech as well. Not to mention having to watch him eat with the damn thing in his mouth. The best one to watch is a nice fresh peanut butter sandwich – eewww!

Now where is the instruction booklet on this kid?!??!!!

So often I feel that I don’t give my daughter enough time. Ever since the boys were born, she’s been pushed aside and the boys have taken priority. Obviously, newborns are going to need more attention. However, the boys are now older but the cycle continues and I want to stop it. She’s still young and is about to embark on the t’ween years. Girls, in general, are mean. And things are a lot different than when I was growing up. I think the girls are MEANER. I am going to need to spend more time with her to help her cope through these difficult years. I need to help raise her self esteem so when the MEAN GIRLS make comments and do things, she can handle herself with respect and pride.

As I was lying in bed the other night, thinking about her, I decided to write her a note. It said: Alyssa, You are very wonderful and special girl. I am proud of you. I love you!! Mom.

The other morning I woke to the note below lying on my nightstand. Looks like we are off to a good start! I love you, Alyssa!!

Recently, Alex has been asking a lot of questions regarding when the police take you to jail and the reasons why you would go. We believe in answering their questions as honestly as we can. Most of his questions were very general: “Mom, you go to jail for doing bad things, right?”

Me: “Well, it depends. Yes, some things you will go to jail. However, some things you won’t. If you don’t listen to Mom & Dad, that’s not good, but you won’t go to jail over it. Well, I guess that depends on what you do.” OK, I have totally over analyzed this seeming simple question but in my defense, it is difficult to give a yes/no answer.

His questions were coming more and more often and I could tell that something about this was really bothering him. I tried to answer them honestly, yet let him know that he hadn’t done anything wrong and would not be going to jail. The questions then turned to if you could see your Mom and Dad in jail. Where is this coming from??!!!

Alex, before we were getting ready to head to his soccer game: “Can the police come get you when you are at soccer?”

Me: “Yes, they can. Alex, you haven’t done anything wrong. They aren’t going to take you away from Mom and Dad.”

I thought he understood.

Alex was asking Tim questions about jail too. He was unaware of just how much this bothered him. I forgot the question Alex asked Tim. Tim’s response didn’t consider his feelings. I immediately spoke up, “Tim, stop it. He has been asking a lot of questions about this and it bothers him.”

Tears are now streaming down Alex’s face. Tim: “I’m sorry buddy. You are not going to jail.”

We’ve tried to ask him why he is so worried. We can’t get an answer that will help us help him. I thought he was doing better. Until…

Alex, as he moves closer to me: “Mom, look! It’s the police. What are they doing?”

Me: “They are probably checking to see if people are speeding or something like that. You know, it’s also the police’s job to keep us safe. They might just be making sure everything is OK.”

I guess one benefit is that if he notices the police car before I do, then he’ll warn me and I can quit speeding. Maybe I should make arrangements to take him to the police station and show him that they are here to protect and serve. My luck, I will only further traumatize him.

It has been a crazy week. I think May in general is crazy. With school about to end for summer break, there are lots of activities going on. This added to your already to busy calendar. I begin to wonder why I’m so crabby – NOT!!

It is Staff Appreciation Week at Longview Farm Elementary. Each day the kids are encouraged to dress a certain way and/or bring items in for the staff. Monday was flower day. The kids were to take flowers to their favorite LFE staff. We purchased LFE school colors purple and gold perennials. The teacher could then plant them in their yard and each year when the flowers come back, they would remember us and just how important they are to us. I decided to drive the kids to school so hopefully nothing would happen to the flowers. Thankfully, all went well.

Tim left town early Tuesday morning. I spent all afternoon cleaning house. I just couldn’t take the two inches of dust accumulating. Not to mention that Andy thought it would be fun to draw in the dust only making it more obvious how dirty everything was. Tuesday night Alyssa had her first softball game of the season. It was a little chilly and started to rain. Not a hard rain but more of just an annoyance. It was also bath night. It was going to be a late night so I had originally decided to put off baths until Wednesday morning. That was until the boys found the pile of dirt to play in. One of the other Moms’ said, “It’s just like Pig Pen [from Charlie Brown]. One of them hit the other one on the shoulder and the dust just flew.” OH GREAT! Since I said the kids could take turns sleeping with me while Tim’s gone and it was Andy’s turn, I wasn’t going to let him in my bed full of dirt and grime. Upon arriving at home, I tell the boys to hop in the tub quick. They did a great job considering it was an hour past their bedtime. 

We get up Wednesday morning. The kids are getting ready. Alyssa’s taking her bath. It’s also Derby Day. It is a day dedicated to fitness. They are supposed to wear school apparel, tennis shoes, take a healthy snack for after their run (I haven’t been to the grocery store yet) and a water bottle. While juggling to make sure they have all of that and breakfast, I notice that it is also sunglasses day. I tell them if they want to participate, they need to get their sunglasses. Alyssa can’t find her black ones. I know they are in the van and I tell her to go look. She comes back and says they aren’t in there and runs off to her room to look in there. I crawl into the back seat and search the pockets. I found them in the second pocket I checked. I also find her DS pen. I pick it up to bring inside only to drop it under the seat. I finally get it and back in the house to Alex’s sad little eyes looking at me.

Alex: “The only glasses I have are in Dad’s van.”

Me: “Do you want to go to Target and get some or do you just want to forget it?”

Alex: “I want to go to Target.”

Me: “Alright everyone. Let’s go. Get your backpacks and get in the van.”

I knew it was coming so before he could say anything. I told Andy if he was good, I’d buy him some too. He was excited. A successful trip with two new pairs of sunglasses purchased. We arrive at school with six minutes to spare. Yeah, I should add here that now Andy can’t find his sunglasses and Alex doesn’t like his because they hurt his ears.

Wednesday afternoon, the boys and I spent running lots of errands. Our last stop: the grocery store. Oh how I hate the grocery store!

Alyssa has karate on Wednesday nights. It is also testing night. We get there a little early. I take the boys to run a quick errand. When we get back, the boys want to play outside. I decided it was OK as it would be easier than trying to contain them inside. Right about at the end of class, we went to get Alyssa. We were going to go in the doors right beside the gym. However, the doors were locked. Lots of parents were standing there but not a single one came to open the door. Awe, come on. I’m standing here with two six-year-olds; I’m far from a threat. Still, no one! I give up and start to walk to the other side of the building where I know the doors are unlocked. Here comes one of the assistants to let us in. Finally!

We get home and try to get ready for bed. Pretty soon everyone starts needing this and that. I’m stressed, not happy and start yelling. The next thing I know is it’s half an hour past bedtime. Bedtime is my sanctuary. I can’t wait until 9:00, so I can unwind and relax. They have infringed upon my time. It was not a pretty site. I try to apologize but I still felt bad. The damage is done.

Thursday I wake up and tell myself it is going to be a better day. I will not allow myself to get so frustrated. I am not setting a very good example. This worked until I got frustrated. I was trying to make no bake cookies again. I had made them last weekend and put too much peanut butter in them and they wouldn’t hold together. First, I was beside the hot stove getting hotter and hotter. Then, my utensils were stuck in the drawer. The boys were playing and getting louder and louder. Yep, here I go again.

And if that wasn’t enough, I remember that on Friday, it’s Hang 10 Day. They are supposed to take in notes to LFE staff with ten reasons why they are special to them. Instead of keeping my mouth shut, I give them the option of doing it. They chose to do it, of course. Adding more stress on me to help. What was I thinking?!!

Yep, no Mother of the Year awards for me. Hey, maybe I’ll get a movie/TV/book deal: Mommy Dearest Part 2. Scratch that! That’s not how I want to be remembered. I will work on being a better Mother! I will not do so much and I will lower my expectations. I have to! For my kids sake!!

If you follow this blog, you know that we will be moving to South Carolina in a month or two. The kids seem to be handling it well so far. Part of that might be because nothing has really changed in their life yet. They still go to the same school, see their same friends and have the same routine.

In preparing for our move, I thought I would make up some cards, address them and add stamps to give to their friends so they could send them to my kids to let them know that they are thinking about them. My plan is to give about five cards to a couple of their close friends. Then every couple of weeks or so, they could drop a quick note in the mail.

I thought it would make it easier for the parents of the friends to drop a little note if I already had most of it done for them. I thought that my kids would enjoy getting letters in the mail from their friends back in Lee’s Summit and that they haven’t totally forgotten about them. Life tends to get busy and people don’t stay in contact like we used to so I would just assist in the process.

Am I being over-protective? Am I over-stepping boundaries to ask the parents to do this? Maybe it’s my own insecurities coming through. The more I strive to be part of the “in” crowd; I realize that I’m changing myself into someone that I’m not. Then I’m frustrated with the quality of the relationship. I’m mad at myself because I changed who I was. I’m annoyed because I allowed what I thought was ideal become something that it wasn’t. I need to realize that some people have never left high school and will continue to live in that fantasy. I can’t control that. I need to just be me. I will develop close, more meaningful relationships.

What do you think?

Last night Tim and I were lying in bed watching TV and he said, “I got a little depressed this morning while I was in the shower.”

I asked, “Why?” Thoughts began to run through my head. I expected him to say something about moving to South Carolina. Tim was born and raised in Lee’s Summit. The farthest he’s lived away from Lee’s Summit is about a half hour drive north of the Missouri River in North Kansas City.

As my thoughts turned to more vulgar reasons as to why he’d be depressed in the shower, he answered, “I realized that our time with Alyssa is half over. She’s nine. Nine more years she’ll be eighteen and moving out and going to college.”

Me: “No.”

Tim: “Yeah, and these were the good years. Then next nine is when she’ll get all hormonal and teenager on us.”

Me: “No!”

So this morning when she asked for pop tarts for breakfast, instead of telling her to get them herself, I got them for her. Instead of working on the computer while they watched TV before the bus came, I snuggled with her. Instead of focusing on the boys because they tend to require more of my attention, I focused on my girl. Don’t grow up too fast Alyssa. Mommy still needs you!

I am the primary caregiver for our children. I am the one who gets them ready for school in the morning. I make the majority of their meals. Hey, McDonald’s drive thru still counts. I’m the one driving aren’t I?! I do the laundry. They’ve only had to dig through the hamper a couple of times. Luckily, it was for jeans and not underwear.

Because I am the primary caregiver, sometimes I get so wrapped up in doing all the “chores” that I don’t get to just snuggle with my babies. Of course, they aren’t babies anymore and are becoming more and more independent every day.

When the opportunity arises to snuggle, I jump at the chance. However, because I am the one who is with them more and Daddy’s time isn’t as accessible as Mom’s, the kids prefer to snuggle with Dad. I understand that some of the time.

Other times; however, I asked them, “What about me? Am I chopped liver?”

The usual response is, “Yes.” They giggle and jump right in Tim’s lap.

A couple of nights ago, the boys wanted to snuggle. Dad wasn’t home yet so I was prime real estate. I’ll take it anyway I can get it! Andy was the first one in my lap. Alex tried to push him out and take over but I said, “Andy was here first. You can wait your turn.”

Alex responded, “What am I, chopped liver?”

I answered the only way a respectful Mother could, “Yep!”

A couple weekends ago it was rainy and cold outside. Seriously, I wonder if we are going to have spring this year. We’ll probably go right from winter to summer. Anyway, it was a great day to just lounge around the house and do nothing. And that is exactly what I did.

When I awoke from my slumber around 6:00 pm, Tim asked, “So, what’s for supper?”

I responded, “What are you fixing?” This is how I typically answer because I hate to cook and rarely plan meals in advance. I really need to find someone to do this for me.

With Alyssa still sleeping and my butt comfortably wedged in the couch, Tim decided to take the boys and run through Shanghi Boy. We also call it Alyssa’s favorite chicken because she loves their sesame chicken. It’s great fast Chinese food that is inexpensive to boot.

I began to channel surf. The TV all to myself… no kids, no husband. I can pick what I want to watch. Nothing on, it figures. I stopped on the movie, Fear. What begins as an innocent romance turns to deadly obsession when a charismatic young man (Mark Wahlberg) sets his sights on a 16-year-old girl (Reese Witherspoon) who always dreamed of being swept away by someone special. Its movies like this that is the reason you won’t let your daughter date – ever.

Tim and the boys arrive home with dinner. We sit down at the table and indulge. Alex is the first one to finish and heads to the living room where Fear is still on. About that time, Mark Wahlberg is pulling the covers off Reese Witherspoon while she’s sleeping. All she has on is a lace bra and panties. Matching, of course, because what else would a 16-year-old girl be wearing. Alex sees this and says, “Oh!”

Tim and I laugh. I tell him, “Alex, you can change the channel if you want.”

Alex: “I don’t want to.”

Me: “Yeah, I think it’s time to change the channel.”

Tim gets up and changes the channel. Alex rebels, “No, I didn’t want it changed. Turn it back.”

It’s a good thing we have the parental controls set on all the TVs. Who knows what they’d watch if they had free rein…