I am Michelle D. Carter

WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY? I can tell you that when these words are uttered from the lips of my husband, there will most definitely be a knock down drag out heated discussion in our household.

On the way to school the other day, my six year-old son, Andy, says MOM, WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY?

ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME??!!! DID YOUR DAD PUT YOU UP TO ASKING THAT QUESTION? SERIOUSLY! I THINK IT’S A CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME!!

The hardest, most thankless job in the world is a stay-at-home Mom. Admit it, you have heard thought or even said to someone OH, YOU’RE JUST A STAY-AT-HOME MOM. The message behind that comment is YOU SIT AT HOME AND EAT BON BONS ALL DAY. I’ll admit, I’ve thought it before I was a stay-at-home Mom. And there are some days I wonder that about myself now.

I often hear YOU HAVE SEVEN HOURS A DAY TO DO WHAT YOU CHOOSE. Yes, that’s true. Once I get the kids to school I have just about seven hours before I have to pick them up. However, I don’t always get to choose how I spend my day. In fact, I rarely choose how to spend my time. There is always something that needs to be done.

This past week after Alyssa had the H1N1 virus and went back to school, I disinfected the whole house. I did laundry. I sanitized Alyssa’s bedding and towels; in addition, to the rest of the laundry that needed to be done. I try to work out. Working out is important to health and well being not only physically but also emotionally. A well balanced Mom is important to the family. I try to write this blog. Tim’s birthday was this past week so I made him a card and baked him a cake. Don’t forget the grocery shopping and the Costco run. I pick up the stuff people tend to leave everywhere. There are just so many little things that need to get done. It all adds up. Before I know it they day is gone and I’m trying to figure out where it went while I’m trying to quickly thaw something from the freezer because I forgot to take and out and now what are we having for dinner?!!

I often wonder how I got this all done before I stayed at home. I think a lot has to do with that when I worked, I didn’t have to defend myself everyday. Now I do. I have to defend myself because this didn’t get done because of that or that didn’t get done because of this. Did you notice how I defended that I work out?! If something didn’t get done before, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Now if I don’t get something done I have to walk on eggshells. What am I going to do if my boss fires me?

I feel I’m failing miserably at everything in my life. I’m not working outside the home; therefore I’m not contributing financially. I was hoping I could make a little money by writing this blog but that hasn’t worked either. I work out but can’t really lose any weight. I know a lot has to do with my eating habits but changing them is hard. And I’m not too much of a Susie homemaker either. I hate cleaning house. I hate to cook. I have some of the pickiest people in the world living in my house. Trying to find something that they will all eat is like trying to find the needle in the haystack.

So what am I doing? I’m struggling to find my place in life. Where do I fit in? Where is that balance?

The boys have wanted to be Boy Scouts ever since Alyssa started Girl Scouts when she was in Kindergarten. I’m not sure if it was because she got to go some place without them or if it was because of the cookies they got to eat when it was cookie time. I am excited that Alyssa has wanted to continue to do Girl Scouts year after year because they teach some valuable lessons that aren’t taught in school. They also help reinforce the values we try to instill in her. I’m proud of the person she is becoming because of those lessons.

When the boys were getting ready to start Kindergarten, we had forgotten about Boy Scouts. However, when we saw the Boy Scout table at Back to School night, I knew we’d be stopping there to sign them up. I was bewildered when I was told that boys can’t be in scouts until first grade. Girls can start in Kindergarten but boys have to wait until first grade. Hmm, I know they are separate institutions but really, what the …?!! Although visibly shaken from the devastating news, the boys pulled themselves together and raced out the door with some of their friends.

When we attended Back to School night this year, we managed to find our way through our new school to the classrooms. We meandered through the halls. THERE IT WAS! RIGHT THERE! The Boy Scout table. THIS is the year! I gave the Cub Master (seriously, that IS his title) our information and let him know that we are very excited to be part of the Boy Scouts. After a few calls back and forth, we had our schedule.

Since I was always in charge of Girl Scouts, it seemed fitting that Tim would be designated as such for the Boy Scouts. He began to take the boys to their WEEKLY meetings. Girl Scouts were only twice a month. I definitely got the better end of this deal.

After a couple weeks, Andy decides he doesn’t like it anymore.

Andy: “Mom, I don’t want to go to church.” The meetings are held at a local church.

Me: “What? Do you mean Boys Scouts?”  

Andy: “Yeah.”

Me: “Why?”

Andy: “I just don’t want to do it anymore.”

Me: “Well, we will have to talk to Daddy about that.”

And then… the uniforms arrive in the mail. The excitement! TIME FOR A FASHION SHOW! The boys rip off their clothes to put their new found treasures on. Awe, sweet!!

Andy: “But Mom, I don’t want to go to church anymore.”

Me: “We still need to talk to Dad about that but if you decide you don’t want to do this then the uniform goes back.”

Andy: “Why?”

Me: “Sweetie, if you don’t want to be in Boys Scouts, then the uniform needs to go back.”

Alex: “BUT I still want to do it.”

Me: “That’s fine, we’ll keep yours BUT Andy’s will go back.”

Andy: “But I want the uniform.”

Me: “Sorry, you don’t get to keep it for fun.”

Andy: “Well, I still want to do it.”

Me (laughing): “Are you sure? If we keep this, you will HAVE to go.”

Andy: “Yeah, I’m sure.”

I think he realized just how handsome he looked in his uniform. Yep, he’s going to use it to pick up chicks. Don’t they look cute with their FORCED SMILE and ARE YOU DONE YET looks?!

Being raised by a single Mom, I apparently missed out on the nuggets of wisdom only a Father can give.

Last night Tim was supervising the boys’ bath while Alyssa and I were doing her reading homework. One of the boys must have been a little too aggressive while scrubbing his rear end. In his most serious tone, Tim provided a piece of wisdom that could only be handed down from one male generation to the next: “You’d better be careful with that wash clothe. If you get soap in there you’ll learn a whole new definition of Fire in the Hole.”

Both boys were laughing as loud as they could. Then I heard, “Will I be able to fart like the skunk in Over the Hedge, Dad?”

Some times you just have to learn things the hard way.

Today I washed the rugs from around the house – primarily the toilet rugs. I hung them out on the deck to dry. I went to bring them in. Our neighbor, Jennifer, was out watering her flowers. She asked, “Rug day?”

“Yes, I did a little cleaning today. I was scrubbing the boys’ toilet, pulled back the rug and after seeing the nice yellow ring, I thought, today is a good day to wash rugs.”

I need to start making the boys clean their own toilet, maybe then they’d be strong enough to aim INTO the toilet.

Boys are just a different breed and mine are typical boys. They like to rough house, wrestle, tease and taunt each other (and their sister too). Some days it doesn’t matter how many times you tell them to stop, they keep messing around until someone gets hurt.

Knowing how they behave as brothers, twin brothers no less, we put them on different soccer teams. Because they play 3v3 soccer, they have the same coach. We’re fortunate because he is great with kids, has three boys of his own and understands how squirrelly five year old boys can be.

However, when the boys’ teams play each other, chaos is unleashed. They consistently push each other, wrestle, etc until the coach, Tim and I are yelling at them. The coach, Shawn, is awesome in dealing with them. He’ll put them at opposite ends of the field to help curtail their orneriness. You would swear they were magnets, drawn to each other. Somehow they still find each other.

Last night they had a game at 6:30 then almost an hour break before the 8:00 game. This is a new sports complex and isn’t very spectator friendly. After almost an hour trying to protect yourself from misdirected soccer balls that are rocketing at you at 80 miles per hour and trying to keep a group of 5 years old boys in check, tension levels were high. Let’s say I’m at DEFCON 4.

I’m sitting on the bench next to the coach’s wife, Mandy. We were talking about how all the boys were not into the game. I see Alex push Andy to the ground. As Andy’s regaining his composure, I look over to see Alex still taunting Andy. For unknown reasons soon to be all too clear, Alex has his hands placed firmly on each side of his shorts. Seconds later, they were down. He had mooned his brother right there on the soccer field.

I shriek, “Oh My God!” And try to hide my face.

Mandy turns to the field to see what she missed. “What?” She sees the little round white butt. The hysteria begins. “I saw bare.”

I didn’t even know what to say. She asked if it was just something Alex liked to do or if both of them found joy in airing out their back-sides and embarrassing their Mother. That’s an easy question. They both do it. It doesn’t matter to them. See, being open with your body is coming back and kicking me in the butt.

For most of us, learning to deal with kids doesn’t happen overnight. We’re given years of opportunity to prepare for their future exploits. The lessons start off easy with simple things and progress as they age. In their own way, they are slowing making me stronger. I’m just worried what they’re preparing me to handle.

Regardless of what Tim or some of my close friends may tell you or show you in photographs, the boys did not inherit this skill from me.