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Underwear, butt covers, Granny panties, the trunk for your junk and the thong. Yes… the thong. I was first introduced to the thong in Vegas. I took a long weekend trip with a couple of girlfriends in December of 1994 (or there about). Both of the skinny bitches wore thongs and tried to convince me to wear one.
I’m a typical pear shape. Oh hell, I have a huge ass. There’s no need to sugar coat it. Me, wearing a thong, is like a tiny valley in the Himalaya Mountains.
They finally convinced me to give it a try. I figured if I was going to do it, Vegas was the place. Off we tromped to Victoria Secret’s. Thank goodness I was shopping with thong experts. The most important advice in buying thong underwear… lace should NOT be the piece of fabric that runs in the valley. Too itchy for that area.
After a few hours, I hardly noticed the constant wedgy!! But alas, I was sold. My underwear usually rode up anyway. So the no panty lines were an added bonus.
When I became pregnant with my daughter, I continued to wear thongs. They actually make pregnancy thong underwear!!! That should have been my invention! I would so be rich right now.
The other night I’m getting ready for bed and Alyssa comes in. She asks me a question (the details escape me). There is a long silence and I can feel her eyes staring at my butt. After she gets over the horror of trying to figure the thong out she asks, “Umm, Mom, do you like your underwear going up your butt?”
A couple weeks ago I was trying on some pants in a dressing room. I took Alex with me while Alyssa and Andy stayed with Tim. Separating them helps control the chaos. I could feel Alex’s eyes on my butt. I thought he’d move on to making the room a jungle gym but no… The curiosity got the best of him. He tried to pull my cheeks apart to see just exactly what the heck happened to that little strip of fabric. It’s not supposed to go in there Mom!
How is it that a decision you made years ago can come back to haunt you? Kids, that’s how!!!
Have a happy Thanksgiving and keep your butts covered.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
That’s hilarious! And I can just imagine the whole scene!!
November 26th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I’m impressed that you can wear a thong! They’re just too uncomfortable for me — and I’ve spent my whole life trying to get my underwear OUT of my butt! Great stories, though — I loved them! I could just imagine how my kids would react if they saw me in one; they’d probably laugh till they were puking.