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Before I share Tim’s response on whether we should get Alex tested, I’m going to give you some background. Tim is an extremely smart individual. He is a member of Mensa. Mensa is the largest, oldest and best know high IQ society in the world. It is an organization open to people who score in the 98th percentile or higher on a standardized intelligence test. He has more letters behind his name than he has in his name. He is a Chartered Life Underwriter, Chartered Financial Consultant, Certified Financial Planner and Certified Advisor for Senior Living. Let me introduce you to my husband, Timothy Carter, CLU, ChFC, CFP, CASL.
To top it all off, he hardly studied for all of the tests. The night before the exam he would study, take the exam, and then pass. During the time he was getting all his letters, I was studying for my CPA (Certified Public Accountant) exam. I would study for months in advance and still wouldn’t pass. I was persistent and eventually did pass the CPA exam. It would frustrate me how easy things came for Tim.
A few days before one of the CPA exams, Tim got the opportunity to go to a Jimmy Buffet concert. He went and left me home all by myself to study. I was so mad at him. He was out having a great time and I was stuck at home. He gets home from the concert and tells me how incredibly great it was. Only pissing me off more. If I was half as smart as he was, I would have passed it by then and I could have been the one out having a great time. That must have been the determining factor because that was the exam I finally passed.
Tim was in his mid-30’s when he discovered his above average IQ. He was traveling a lot with his job. He was good having good luck with Mensa quizzes at the back of the in-flight magazine and decided to sit for the exam.
Ironically, Tim flunked out of college at the end of his freshman year with a 0.9 GPA. Thanks to junior college and a transfer to another 4-year university, he was able to graduate with a 2.34 GPA. About the same time he joined Mensa, he was diagnosed with ADHD. When he pieced the two of them together, he was able to explain why someone with a high IQ made average grades in school. Self-discovery can be fun and frustrating at the same time.
Anyway, back to Alex. Here are Tim’s thoughts on getting Alex tested:
Do you really want an answer?? All you need to do is have someone give him an intelligence test. I’m certain we can find one on-line. I believe Dr. Rahman can set him up for one. Apparently my parents knew I had a high IQ and never said anything to me about it. They always seemed to have high expectations, but never came out and said anything. I never heard, you’re smarter than 99% of the people out there, you shouldn’t have any problem passing this English class. Part of me is frustrated because I’ve wasted a gift and the other part is glad I didn’t have the pressure to live up to “genius-level” expectations. Do we want to know how smart he is so we make him live up to preconceived notions of success for someone of his intelligence or do we want him to be the best he can be, regardless of his IQ? What about our other children? How would they feel if they knew you felt Alex was going to be the successful one? Because you feel this way, will it become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Will Alyssa return from rehab and blame us for the failures in her life because we didn’t expect her to be as successful as her brother, Alex. Maybe all of this goes back to my love of surprises. I didn’t want to know the sex of our unborn children. As strange as it sounds, I didn’t secretly want “it” to be a boy or a girl. I just wanted a healthy baby. In fact, I still feel this way. I don’t have a desire for our kids to be “anything,” except healthy and happy being themselves.
I want the absolute best for my kids, all of them. What parent doesn’t?! I probably won’t have Alex tested. Not at this point anyway. I will; however, continue to push him, as well as Alyssa and Andy to achieve success. The definition of success – I will let them define success for themselves. I want them to enjoy life and what they do. I will support them in all their endeavors.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
health is #1. everyone’s measurement of success is different. let each kid reach for the sky at their own speed. there is enough pressure in this world. as a parent, you have to let your children be children but be supportive in any of their decisions. it will surprise you that they can make some good choices.
it makes me feel good that my daughter sounds like her “dad”.
love you,
dad
November 26th, 2008 at 1:30 am
I can’t blame you for feeling this way about Alex, and your other children. I was CONSTANTLY told “you’re just not living up to your potential.” And then there was the fact that my sister always had to cram like crazy and study constantly to get high marks in school while I just had to sit and read the chapter out loud in a quiet room the night before an exam and make almost perfect scores on the test (partially due to a great photographic memory).
It haunted me for a long time, but I was never formally tested one way or the other (so far as I know). Who knows what my IQ is these days. After years of cleaning up dog crap, yelling at kids, and trying to hide purchases from the hubby, I’m sure its not what it used to be.
In short, kudos to you for encouraging your kids!