Alyssa: “Mom, you’re mean. I’m going to go live with Grandma.”
Me: “Alyssa, how do you think I got so mean?”
Kids, they’ll either kill you or make you stronger.
Tim and I took a Love and Logic class offered by our school district. The class is about giving children choices but in the end, you still get what you want. For example, it’s a chilly day and you know your child needs to take a jacket. They are protesting. OK, you can either wear your jacket or carry it in your backpack, you decide. The class is really good and in theory works well.
A big question we had was teaching kids about money. We wanted them to have money and learn to be responsible with it but we didn’t want to pay them for doing chores. After all, no one pays me. I LOVE Love and Logic’s approach. Kids should have an allowance. It teaches them how to be responsible with money. If a child wants a toy that you know will break after minimal play, you tell them that you wouldn’t spend your money but if they want to spend their money, it’s their decision. This teaches them early in life about value. Better to learn now, than with something like their first car.
As a member of the household, they are expected to complete routine chores such as clearing the table, making their bed, picking up their rooms, etc. If they do additional chores to help out, such as dishes, working in the yard, etc., they can earn more money. The flip side is if they don’t do their own chores and I have to do it, they have to pay me. Because I’ve had a lot of experience, my fees are pricy.
We had gotten out of the habit of giving them an allowance. We started again this past weekend. After yelling at them several times to pick up their shoes, I reminded them that if they didn’t, I was going to charge them to do it. Andy’s response, “Mom, I don’t want to pick up, I’ll pay you to do it.” Damn it! I thought I actually had the upper hand this time.
“Andy, if you keep paying me to pick up, you won’t have any money. While your brother and sister are eating goodies from the ice cream man, you’ll be sad. Your allowance went to pick up your shoes.”
Andy continued with his version of Logic, “Mom, I’m only using money from my piggy bank, not my purse money.”
Will I ever win?! Will I be stronger?!
It all started last Thursday when Alex ran into the house and proudly exclaimed, “We’re climbing the thing out there with the net.”
“The basketball hoop?”
“Yeah.”
OK, whatever, I think to myself. I had just started dinner, but had to head outside to check on them. This is what I find:
Oh my God! Look at those monkeys!! Alyssa can’t be out-done by her little brothers. Being a girl and all, she doesn’t have the upper body strength the boys were born with. After a couple attempts, she reaches the top by climbing like a native up a coconut tree (see photo). She must have acquired this skill in utero, while we were in Hawaii.
When Tim arrives home from work, they impress Dad with their climbing skills. What’s next, peeling bananas with their feet?
After supper, the neighbor girls, Alex and Lauren, come over to play. Alyssa runs out to the pole to impress Lauren with her new skill. About that time, Tim steps out of the house, fearing the liability of a lifetime quadriplegia caused by a 10′ fall head-first into our driveway, shouts, “I hate the neighbor kids over here climbing like that! We don’t need anyone getting hurt.”
The following afternoon the girls come over to play. Only this time they ask if they can play, instead of shouting for the kids. Impressed and puzzled by their politeness, I say, “Sure, they are out back.”
Lauren, the younger and more timid of the two, quietly states, “I know what Tim said.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t remember,” she says. I give off a coaxing laugh. “I know, I just don’t want to get in trouble.”
“It’s OK, you can tell me.”
“Last night, he said he hates the neighbor kids.”
“Oh no! Sweetie, he meant he hates you guys over here climbing the basketball hoop. We don’t want you to get hurt.” With everything cleared up, they run out to play.
I tell Tim, to trot his little butt over to the neighbors and talk to them. They need to know exactly what happened.
We found Ken, their Dad, supervising their Mom, Jennifer, mowing the yard. I’m sure Ken would say he was “working” on the yard too, but we know who was doing the real work . . .
“Oh, that explains it,” Ken said. “Last night she came running home and said ‘Tim said…he…’ and ran in the house. Jennifer and I looked at each other, neither one having a clue what she was talking about. By the time we got in the house, they were snacking, and we finished the evening without another thought about it. When she asked to if it would be OK to go to your house this evening, it seemed a little out of character. Just the way she said it, it was weird. Now we know why. I’ll have to tell Jennifer, she’ll get a kick out of it.”
So NO, we don’t hate the neighbor kids. Just like all kids, they have their arguments, but most of the time they play well together. It’s great to have friends that live next door.
Confronting issues in your relationships instead of hoping they weren’t “that” offended or waiting for them to cool off and forget about it will make your relationships stronger! I need to practice that more.
We must be on a roll finding animals. First it was the frog/toad, and then it was a turtle. Last Friday we found another turtle while we were out walking. This one must be a full grown adult because it was BIG! The kids convinced me to bring it home. Our next door neighbor’s daughter, Whitney, lost her pet turtle about a year ago. The kids thought this one might be Whitney’s so they were going to return it to her. I knew by the size it wasn’t the same turtle, but it was sweet they remembered. Needless to say, we brought it home.
Andy took this picture with his camera, a Fisher-Price camera:
It didn’t take long and they were asking if they could keep it. I told them that I didn’t know. We’d have to talk to Daddy and I doubt he would want to keep it (see the Big WUSS blog). Alyssa said, “We can talk him into it.” She already knows her Dad is a big pushover if you really want something. Deep down, I didn’t want to keep it either so I made Tim the heavy. I tend to do that.
We decided we would keep it a couple days and see what happens. Whitney’s Dad, Tony, shared some sage advice on dealing with kids and “found” pets. He would tell his kids that the animal had a family, just like them, who missed them and wanted them to come home. Thanks Tony!
On the way home from the local festival, we told the kids about the turtle’s family and how it would only be visiting a short time before returning home. When we got home, the turtle could not be found. We didn’t think it would be able to get underneath the fence because of its size. The following morning our other next door neighbors told us how they found the turtle caught in their soccer net. They had to cut it out to set it free.
A few hours after being turtle-free, I was trimming the bushes, when out slithers a little snake. I don’t know what kind of snake it is but here in the mid-West, I doubt it’s poisonous. In fairness to the Big WUSS, I have to admit that I am one too when it comes to snakes. I know they have a purpose but they freak me out. Since I had my gloves on, I decided to confront my fears and pick it up. It was a fast little rascal. Tim has paused long enough on The Animal Planet for me to know you are supposed to pick them up by the head but that little sucker kept darting around, so I picked it up by the tail. I’ve got a grip on the south end and instantly the north end took an aggressive move towards the cause of the problem, me. I screamed like a little school girl. Ken and Jennifer, our neighbors with the turtle-trapping soccer net, were out working in the yard too, heard my screams of girlish terror and start laughing at me. After a little practice, I honed my snake wrangling skills and got a grip on the wiggling reptile.
It’s time to let it go. I’ve made great strides in overcoming my snake phobia, but the kids are not keeping a snake as a pet. I asked Tim where we should release our latest catch and he said, “Rhonda’s van.” Rhonda is Tony’s wife and Whitney’s mother. Her van was sitting in their driveway with the windows open. As tempting as that was, we let it go on the side of the house. Go eat all those spiders before they make it in the house and frighten Alex, a.k.a. WUSS Jr.
I confronted a fear, I am stronger!
Did you see the comment by my cousin, Ryan?
Ryan wrote:
Too bad the song lyrics don’t include, “I’m a hero” or “I’m a role model” because that’s what you will always be to me! I’m very proud of you on so many levels and thrilled to have you as my cousin. Can’t wait to keep tabs on your life through you new blog. Love and miss you tons. Ry.
Now isn’t he just the sweetest kid. I had no idea he felt that way.
I always introduce Ryan as my little baby cousin that I used to push around the block on his big wheel. I’ve always been a little mother hen to him. Our Moms are sisters and have always been close. We spent a lot of time together when our Moms were divorced. He’s more like a brother than a cousin. He now stands almost a foot taller than me. I am very proud of him. He lives in Washington DC and manages a high-end home furnishings store. He started off in sales but got tired of the traveling. He has done very well for himself.
I don’t see myself as a hero or role model. I feel like a failure. I’m not the June Cleaver of mothers. I’m not the Bill Gates of business. I’m not Jenna Jamison in bed. It is unlikely that I’ll achieve the notoriety of any of these individuals, let alone be all three in one. For some reason, those are my expectations of myself.
I want to be liked by everyone, another unrealistic goal of mine. When I meet new people, I tend to be shy. I don’t say much because I know I can’t measure up to them, so I come across as stand-offish. I certainly don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I feel that I can’t compete with the successfulness I perceive in that person.
When I started this blog, I sent it to most everyone in my contact list. I’ve connected with people that I really didn’t know that well (I’m talking about you Nicole). It’s nice! I’m getting to know more people who are similar to me and like me for who I am. I don’t have to prove anything to them. Those are the friends I want. It will be a long process because as I’m writing this, I secretly hoping that some will become my friend. Even if they don’t, I hope they have a better understanding of me.
So thanks, Ryan, for your comment. You just made me a little stronger! I love you!!!
Once I had the boys, I told Tim, “I finally understand men, it is about the penis from day one and it NEVER ends!”
Even when they were tiny little babies, the boys have always found their penis. It doesn’t bother me that they play with it, that’s natural. However, they also like to show it to you while you are washing dishes, folding laundry, watching TV or any reason to get a reaction from you. They love to run around naked and let it hang free. We used to have “naked time” right before bed when they were still in diapers to air it out some. They threaten to pee on each other – and other people as well. I have been victim to this recently while giving them a shower.
This morning I’m working on the computer and Alex comes up to me, “Mom, what’s this?” He’s pulling on his penis, or at least I thought.
Me: “Umm, that would be your penis.” I thought it was a ploy to get me to look at it for a reaction.
Alex: “No, this.”
After closer inspection, “Oh, underneath?”
Alex: “Yeah.”
Me: “That would be your testicles.”
Yes, they know it is a penis. They also know that girls have a vagina. Last summer, we were celebrating Mom and Dad’s 25th wedding anniversary in Nebraska. I was telling a story about Alex and how he said something about a vagina. My brother, Jim, said I should talk quietly so his kids didn’t hear “those words.” Otherwise, he’d teach my kids a few choice words. Using the correct anatomy terms is nothing dirty, vulgar or disgusting. It is no different than an arm, leg or elbow. I don’t want my kids to be ashamed of their bodies and teaching them the correct name for their body parts is just part of it.
Raising boys, will make you stronger!
While in the child watch at the Y today, Andy colored a BUNCH of pictures. He told me when I picked them up that he was going to get some money for Daddy. I had no idea what he had in mind but I didn’t think too much about it.When we got home, all three of the kids headed down the street. They told me they were going to Will’s. I headed in to make some lunch. As they came in to eat, they were telling me they had a dollar from Gary. They had SOLD him one of the pictures they colored for a dollar. After lunch they headed out again and came home with another dollar. Way to go kids!! It was completely their idea. If it was mine, I would have sent them out long ago!!
I talked to Gary later and he said it was just too cute and he couldn’t squash their entrepreneurial spirit. He told me that Patty’s (his wife) kids used to go around and sell rocks to the neighbors when they were younger.
Thank you for helping my kids learn how to come up with an idea to make some money. Hopefully it will help them later in life to not to be afraid to try new things. Trying new things, will make you stronger!!
By the way, if you are interested in a picture, contact me (michelle@onlymakesyoustronger.com) and I’ll hook you up!!
I am a stay-at-home Mom. I used to be a sales rep for a local home health and hospice company. I loved my job. I enjoyed helping the elderly, influencing people and the autonomy. However, my former boss was all about getting her own team from her prior company hired on. Within the first two months, she had driven-off one of my co-workers to clear the way for “her team.” Then she started on me. After nine months, I was gone. I’ve applied for a lot of jobs; however, nothing prevailed. So, we decided to take the boys out of daycare (they’ll start Kindergarten in the fall). I LOVE being home!! I enjoy spending time with the boys and now that school is out for the summer, my daughter too. I do miss my income though. I try to be very frugal with our money. It shows in our kids.
Alex: “Do windows cost a lot of money?”
Me: “Yes, they do.”
Alex: “The windows in my room?”
Me: “Yes, why do you ask?”
Alex: “Because I broke mine.”
Me: “What do you mean broke?”
Alex: “I wanted to open my window and it broke.”
Me: “Can you show me?”
Alex: “See, right here.” The trim falls out of the middle.
Me: “Oh sweetie, it’s not broken. It comes out like that so you can clean them easier. It’s ok.”
Alex: “Am I in trouble?”
Me: “No, you aren’t in trouble. And thank you for telling me.” Of course we had to hug and kiss, always love those hugs and kisses.
Though the kids sometimes (ok, a lot of times) drive me crazy with the things they do. When they tell me they did something wrong, I try not to get too upset. I want them to always know they can come and talk to me. And some days, it is REALLY HARD not to get upset. And some days, I do get upset. I’m not perfect.
What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger!! And that includes kids too.
Me: “I sure wish allergy season was over!”
Tim: “Amen, to that.”
Me: “Yeah, I’m ready to quit peeing my pants when I sneeze.”
I thought Tim was going to pee his pants laughing so hard. Sad thing is, it won’t stop after allergy season. It just won’t happen as much.
I wish I could find something to make my bladder stronger!
Alyssa: “Mom, what’s with the fancy clothes?”
Me: “Awe, that’s so sweet of you to say. I’m going out with some friends tonight.”
Alyssa: “Can I go?”
Me: “Sorry, not this time. Give me some kisses before I go.”
Alex: “Mom, can I have another one in case you aren’t home in time for bed.”
Me: “Absolutely.” I NEVER turn down kisses.
Last Friday, the Sex and the City movie came out. I don’t remember which one of my girlfriends was the first to watch Sex and the City, but soon we were all watching it and couldn’t get enough of it. So, when the movie came out, we had to make a night of it.
Of course, we started with drinks and appetizers. The cocktails were strong and we reminisced. We met at work and have all been friends for close to 20 years. All of us used to work at BMA (a local insurance company, which is now out of business). It was my first job out of college and I left the company over 10 years ago. Our relationships have grown tremendously over the years. We’ve been through marriages, divorces, babies, affairs, medical issues and death. We were always there to support one another. We’ve also had lots of fun together! On my 30th birthday, my gift from them was a blown up picture of me from one of our canoe trips. I was pretending to moon them (if you look really, really close, you might see a hint of butt crack). They thought they were going to embarrass me; however, I think they were more embarrassed because my parents were there when they gave it to me.
The more we drank, the more the stories flew. Remember when . . . I told them that I was going to blog about this. They told me I couldn’t unless I used their “stripper” names. I had completely forgotten about the time we were out at a bar and decided to come up with names instead of giving out our real ones. Someone said it could be our “stripper” names. My name is Candy from Hershey, PA. Alice is Kalista from Cummings, AZ. Leah is Barbie from Montana – Leah HATES Barbie. One year for her birthday, we gave her everything Barbie related. Believe it or not, she still loves us. Lora is Lora from Bora, Bora. Jamie is Sasha from Australia.
We went to the packed theatre and sat the third row back. It was fantastic! Things would happen in the movie, we’d sit up and look at each other and just start laughing. We could have been on that screen. I sat there watching it with my girlfriends and realized how lucky I was to have them in my life.
Afterwards, we went to a bar where you could ride a “bull.” We watched a few people ride. “Which one of us is going to do it?” Unfortunately, we must be getting older because we started talking about how much we’d hurt the next day. It wasn’t long ago and all of us would have been riding the bull. This is the group who spent an afternoon playing paint ball. Those little balls of paint hurt when they hit.
Even though there are lots of stories I could tell about them (and vice versa), I’ll use the Vegas analogy, what happens with girlfriends, stays with girlfriends.
I hope you have some great girlfriends (like me), because they will make you stronger!!
