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on Tuesday, June 10th, 2008 at 8:59 am and is filed under All About Me, Relationships.
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Did you see the comment by my cousin, Ryan?
Ryan wrote:
Too bad the song lyrics don’t include, “I’m a hero” or “I’m a role model” because that’s what you will always be to me! I’m very proud of you on so many levels and thrilled to have you as my cousin. Can’t wait to keep tabs on your life through you new blog. Love and miss you tons. Ry.
Now isn’t he just the sweetest kid. I had no idea he felt that way.
I always introduce Ryan as my little baby cousin that I used to push around the block on his big wheel. I’ve always been a little mother hen to him. Our Moms are sisters and have always been close. We spent a lot of time together when our Moms were divorced. He’s more like a brother than a cousin. He now stands almost a foot taller than me. I am very proud of him. He lives in Washington DC and manages a high-end home furnishings store. He started off in sales but got tired of the traveling. He has done very well for himself.
I don’t see myself as a hero or role model. I feel like a failure. I’m not the June Cleaver of mothers. I’m not the Bill Gates of business. I’m not Jenna Jamison in bed. It is unlikely that I’ll achieve the notoriety of any of these individuals, let alone be all three in one. For some reason, those are my expectations of myself.
I want to be liked by everyone, another unrealistic goal of mine. When I meet new people, I tend to be shy. I don’t say much because I know I can’t measure up to them, so I come across as stand-offish. I certainly don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I feel that I can’t compete with the successfulness I perceive in that person.
When I started this blog, I sent it to most everyone in my contact list. I’ve connected with people that I really didn’t know that well (I’m talking about you Nicole). It’s nice! I’m getting to know more people who are similar to me and like me for who I am. I don’t have to prove anything to them. Those are the friends I want. It will be a long process because as I’m writing this, I secretly hoping that some will become my friend. Even if they don’t, I hope they have a better understanding of me.
So thanks, Ryan, for your comment. You just made me a little stronger! I love you!!!
June 10th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I loved the blog posted on 06/10.. It was a very good definiation of myself and did not realize until you wrote it down how much of my own personal thoughts matched yours.. I loved it…and our friendship… When are we doing lunch ? LOL
June 12th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I, too, loved your blog on 6/10 (and all the previous ones). I’ve told a lot of friends about your blog. Isn’t it funny how the computer can bring people closer together even though they live a short distance apart? I never thought I’d meet my husband anywhere in K.C., and what ended up bringing us together? The computer! (Me: Overland Park, Him: Lee’s Summit). Now I’m not proposing marriage, but I am thrilled to find out how alike we are in so many ways and hoping to spend more time with you! I never realized what a funny person you are. Who doesn’t want to be around someone that makes them smile? You make me smile.
June 16th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Just catching up on my reading and stumbled across this entry. Your choosing to write freely and openly on the Web for any and all to see is very brave. Glad I could help to make you stronger as you’ve done for me countless times. And I’m sure if Tim had a blog, he would disagree with the Jenna Jamison comment. Love you.
- Your little (not so much anymore) cousin.